Morgan Kate

As I was reading the comments from last night's post I had a big smile on my face. Why? One, because I really do appreciate everyone's comments and advice. This is such a learning process. But secondly, and more importantly in my opinion, is that I truly appreciate everyone's honesty. Almost everyone that commented honestly admitted that they don't have all the answers. That they don't know one set way that it all works out. They were open and honest and admitted that you just have to try and try and try again. Mommies - novice and veteran - were admitting that they didn't have all of the answers. Whewh! What a relief for this mommy. It makes me feel more "normal" that there are others that don't have all the answers and that they have to try and try and try again to find what works. I wish more mommies would be open and honest about being a mommy. I wish more mommies would admit that it's not all glitz and glamour and that it's really hard work. Women are so afraid to admit that they don't have all the answers, that they don't know how to fix a problem, or even admit that things are difficult. 

With that being said, I'm going to be honest.  I'll be honest about my mothering experiences and abilities from pregnancy days until now. 

This is me being honest.

I truly enjoyed being pregnant. I loved having my pregnant belly, even if for only six months. I loved wearing maternity clothes, especially form fitting ones because I wanted everyone to see my belly. I think mommies are the most beautiful creatures. C-sections are awful. My incision still bothers me to this day. I was in tremendous pain after my C-section and my ankles and legs were so swollen I could hardly walk. (Missed the swelling from pregnancy, but definitely made up for it afterward.) The day I was discharged I stood in the shower and cried and cried to my mom because I hurt so bad and said in my most pathetic voice, "Why don't other women tell you how awful this is?" I hated breastfeeding. (I am sure some of you are gasping.) I did. I admit it. Well, I guess I hated pumping. I tried breastfeeding for two days when Morgan Kate was about 11 weeks old and quit. I thought it would be a bonding experience, but it kind of creeped me out. I pumped for 13 weeks and then I was done. Each time I sat down to pump I cringed and felt nauseous. Had Morgan Kate been full term I don't know that I would have done it at all. Thankfully my husband, nor my mom, ever pressured me to do it and were completely supportive when I stopped. However, even when I made the decision to stop I felt bad. But only because I was afraid of what other mothers would think of me. I use disposable diapers and lots of them. I do shower everyday, but usually not until after lunch sometime. I let Morgan Kate take naps in her swing, in my arms or wherever she will fall asleep. I let Morgan Kate watch TV. She loves to look at it while she is playing on the floor. I think she loves the colors and sounds and I happen to love Rachel Ray. It works out for both of us. Often times I think back to my childhood and try to do things the way my mom did them because I think she did such an amazing job. During our first few weeks at home I struggled with the lack of sleep and told Travis numerous times, "I am so over this newborn thing. I am ready for MK to be four." I hold Morgan Kate a lot because one day she will be four and I won't be able to catch her. I have cried to MK's pediatrician and to many, many others. I love that MK looks just like Travis because he is an amazing Daddy and so deserving of our little family. During the middle of the night while I am feeding her I hold Morgan Kate just a little bit longer so that I can smell her and love on her. I have to write down all of MK's feedings and medications because otherwise I would forget. When I leave MK and Travis to go grocery shopping or run an errand I get really sad because I hate being away from them. I worry about being a good mom. There is so much I have to learn. As much as I loved being pregnant it terrifies me to even think of being pregnant again. Everyday I look at her and then stop and thank God for this amazing little girl. I love this little girl more than I could have ever imagined.  

So there. That was this mommy being honest. 

If you feel the urge to be honest and want to share, please feel free to post your honesty in the comments section. You don't have to be a mommy to do this. You can be honest about anything. Go ahead. You should do it. It's very therapeutic.