Morgan Kate

Dear Morgan Kate,

Six months ago today I saw your most precious face for the very first time. You were oh, so, so tiny, but oh, so, so perfect. The minute I saw you my world froze. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. All I could do was look at you and stare in wonder and amazement. You were the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on. You were the most perfect combination of your Daddy and myself. I wanted so badly to touch you and hold you and comfort you. I just wanted to scoop you up and tell you how much I loved you and how I was praying that things would be okay. I was terrified beyond belief, but I knew God was holding you and me and your Daddy in the palm of his hand. That night I sat in your room for hours just watching you. 

The day you were born my life forever changed. You have made me such a better person. And you have taught me so, so many things. In your short six months I have learned a great deal about my faith, I have learned the extreme power of prayer, I have learned patience, I have learned gratitude, I have learned just how blessed I am and I am continuing to learn this "mommy" thing. I am amazed each day by your bravery and courage. Each day I look at you and I realize just how lucky I am to be your mommy. 

Every night as I am trying to go to sleep my mind drifts back to August. I replay the days and events over and over. I just can't seem to get that particular month out of my head. Did I do this right? Did I do that right? Could I have done something differently? There are about a million scenarios I play out in my head. I wanted more than ever to carry you to term because I knew that was best. Sometimes I feel like I have let you down because I wasn't able to do that. But, I have to remember that God is in control and he was in control that Sunday afternoon in August. It's impossible to look into your big blue eyes and doubt that God was in control and continues to be today. 

You have come such a long, long way. You no longer require oxygen, you are taking all bottles and we don't have to use the tube, you are eating better, you are sleeping wonderfully, you are gaining weight and you are changing every single day. You smile all the time and it lights up my world. Your Daddy and I could watch you for hours. As cliche as it sounds, time does fly when you are having fun and I happen to be having the best time of my life. I know there were times in the beginning where I just wanted you to be older. I guess I was ready to rush things because I just wanted to know that everything would be okay and that you would be okay. These days I just want time to be still. Slow down. I just want to keep holding you and loving you just as you are. Tonight as I was getting you ready for bed it was so hard to put you down. I could have held you forever. 

I thank God for you each and every day, probably a million times. You truly are a miracle and the light of my life. 

Happy six month birthday, baby girl!

I love you,

     Mommy

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August 2008

1 pound 12 ounces

13 3/4 inches 

February 2008

Six months

10 pounds 13 ounces

22 inches