I am feeling lots better today about her eating and breathing. Which in turn makes my own breathing and eating easier. Who am I kidding? I don't have any problems eating. But it does become a tad hard to breathe when she's not doing well. Yesterday I was just so overwhelmed with all the "new stuff". We have decided to stick with our plan. We are going to give this formula a few days to do its thing. When we feel comfortable that it is working we will try the breathing treatments. My philosophy these days is "Baby steps....baby steps". I am taking very small steps.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Growing up I never really worried. Really, I didn't. I never really had things to worry about. I felt like if something ever happened or went wrong then my parents would just fix it and make it better. They would take care of me. And they always did. The only thing I ever remember worrying about was being kidnapped. Crazy, I know. But it was a real worry of mine for quite some time. I even dreamed about it. But other than that I never really worried and if I did I certainly don't remember it.
I knew people growing up that worried. Some of them worried a lot. And I mean a lot. One of my very best friends was a worry wart. (Name not used in order to protect the innocent.) I would always tell her to take a deep breath and not sweat the small stuff. It seemed perfectly logical to me. What I failed to realize and what I think a lot of people fail to realize is that the "small stuff" isn't alway small to other people. The things she worried about were "big" to her and they mattered.
It's kind of like this whole eating thing going on with Morgan Kate. A lot of people don't understand it. People tell me not to worry about it. People tell me that she will eat when she is hungry. People tell me that I should stress about it. But I do. I do stress about it. And I do worry.
I worry about so many things these days. Most of them all relate to my precious baby girl. I guess really all of my worries do. I am sure that most of my worries are just "mommy" related. I am sure my mom worried about the three of us. I think moms just do that. I also think that my worries stem from her early arrival and our NICU stay. After that things just all became so clear. We don't know what will happen from day to day. We aren't promised tomorrow. We can't plan for everything. And that makes me worry. It also makes me a tad scared. I like to have a plan. I like to know what is going to happen next. I like to know that things are going to be okay.
I don't like being worried. I don't like the way it feels.
But don't fret, I'm working on my worrying. You see my praying helps with my worrying. And I pray a lot. I know that I will never be 100% free from worrying, but I do think it's going to get better. That's one of my prayers anyway.
5 comments:
Praying that Morgan Kate's eating continues to go well. I know what you mean about worry and appreciate hearing someone else worrying about the "small stuff." Ellie might be going back on CPAP, and though I know it's just part of the NICU process, I worry that she might never come off if she goes back on.
I'm so happy that she's eating well today! I'm praying that it continues. I worry all the time...sometimes I think its completely out of control. I'm like you and want to know everything..I like to have plans and when things aren't in my control I lose it.
Praying for peace for you!
I think its just our job to worry as mommies. I never worried all that much before kids. And now it seems I worry all the time. It makes me feel better to talk to other moms that have been there. I even google stuff when Im feeling particularly worried about something ie "tantrums" or "milestones" "how many ounces a day should an 8 month old be eating" etc etc. You name it, Ive googled it. Its hard being a mom and even harder being a first time mom. And we'll look back and realize that all this worrying was so unnecessary, but it feels so necessary for us now!! Glad that MK is doing well with her new formula. Praying that things go smoothly from here! Juliana sometimes only drinks about 20 oz a day and the doc said that was fine. Its so hard not to get stressed out over things like that. But we're moms. Its what we do!
Glad MK is liking her new formula. Mommies worry sometimes more with the first child. It is not to say that they do not worry about their other children. Just remember that God has a perfect plan and those of us who like to have a plan and then have a backup plan it is very hard not to plan. He teaches us to trust Him more. It is not easy sometimes, but when we realize we cannot do anything about it we just pray to Him. Unfortuanately we cannot always be with our children but God is always there and He knows all. Sometimes I feel that He is teaching us to trust Him more and this should be easy because He is our Heavenly Father but it is not always easy. Thank Goodnes He loves us unconditionally.
We love you guys. Hugs and Kisses.....
Aunt Jan
Hey,
Glad to hear that the new formula is working well. And, I am 99% sure that formula is available at Sam's club in bulk...and you could buy the generic Sam's brand which has the exact same ingrdients...look at the back to be sure...as I am sure you would...for a lot cheaper. Anyway, it's worth checking into b/c every penny counts. :)
I know that it is normal to worry as a mama, but it is at these points that is the most important to trust in God and pray. When my babies are well and life is good I can so easily throw out how important it is to trust in God, but it is when they are sick or there is a crisis in my family that my trust wavers. You are a fabulous mama, and I know that you are doing everything you can to act in MK's best-interest in all ways, so all that's left is to just trust God to do the rest.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Post a Comment