As a child I prayed for a marriage like my parents have and to this day I still admire them. They have unconditional love, unwavering support and trust, and just plain happiness. Of course they have had ups and downs. Of course I have seen them spat and raise their voices. Of course my dad has forgotten to take out the trash and I have seen my mom become irritated. Just as I have seen my dad become aggravated with my mom. But at the end of the day I never doubted or questioned their love for one another.
And I hoped that one day God would send me someone and that we would be able to create a marriage like theirs. Because I know that a good marriage is not something you just fall into or get lucky at. All marriages take work. They take time. They take trust. They take talking and walking and spending time together. For almost twenty-nine years I have watched my parents and I have prayed for something very similar.
And I found it.
On July 9, 2005 I married my heart and my best friend. Truly. And I have been the happiest woman ever since.
It sounds funny to say we have only been married for 4 years. We have actually been together for a lot longer. We began dating in the fall of 1996. I was a mere sixteen and he was seventeen. We knew each other before, but he thought I was a snob and I thought he was a little dorky. Little did I know that he was really not dorky at all. He was just what I needed.
After nine years of dating, and yes there was a break-up in there, we tied the knot. July 9, 2005 was one of the happiest days of my life (the other being Morgan Kate's birth). We both said "I do" and celebrated until the wee hours of the morning. Literally.
Each day I fall more and more in love with him. He is simply amazing. An amazing husband and an amazing father. I am so thankful for him and for our marriage. And yes, just like my parents and every other couple, we have our ups and downs. We argue. We get mad. I can't stand it when he leaves the back door open. He gets upset when I leave my clothes all over the place. But at the end of the day I never question his love for me. And I hope he never questions mine.
To celebrate four years we treated ourselves to a nice sushi dinner and even did a little shopping. And we left our lil' bundle of joy with Uncle O and hopefully-soon-to-be-one-day Aunt Ninum. We missed MK tremendously. We did. I even texted Owens several times during dinner just to check on everyone. But it was really nice to have a "date", take our time and enjoy conversation between the two of us.
Now as some of you may know, this was a HUGE step for us. We have only left Morgan Kate maybe three times and until this point we have only left her with my parents. But I have complete, wholehearted trust and confidence in Owens and Trenholm. Besides, I knew deep down that Trenholm was going to do everything anyways. Ha ha. They said that Morgan Kate was a perfect little angel and Morgan Kate is already asking for them to come back. Thanks to Owens and Trenholm for giving of their time and allowing us to enjoy some time together while feeling at ease.
And, crazy momma here, did leave "bedtime instructions", as well as a brochure on infant CPR. Just in case. Yes, I may have some issues.
Not only was the 9th our anniversary, but Morgan Kate also had an appointment with our pediatrician. Just a well check-up, nothing serious.
MK waiting patiently and reading a new book
MK getting restless and ripping up the paper on the table
Dr. G and I talked about a lot of things. A lot. Baby food, table food, sunscreen, the beach, reflux. Many, many things. But our two big topics were weight and the sleep study.
I'll start with weight. As of the 9th MK weighs 14 pounds and 13 ounces. Since her last appointment on May 21st she has gained a pound and a half. Dr. G was pleased with this. Any gain is great. I was a little disappointed. I just knew that MK was going to be well over 15 pounds, possibly even 16. She has been eating so well and I have been feeding her every chance I get. It's not that I want her to be some huge baby, I just want to make sure that she is growing at an appropriate rate. Dr. G said that we should start feeding her table food versus baby food because it has more calories. She said that if we wanted to feed her mashed potatoes then we should and we should even add butter. I am super excited about table food and I know MK will be. Dr. G said that we also needed to continue with all of MK's bottles and that if she still wanted one during the night then we needed to seize the opportunity.
Second topic. Sleep study. Let me start by saying that I am not in any way dying to get MK off of her monitor. She only wears it at night and while napping and it definitely eases my mind. I would like to eventually start weaning both of us from the monitor, but only in due time. Mainly, I just wanted great results from the sleep study. As of the 9th they are still waiting on the "official" results. Dr. G did talk to someone from the Sleep Lab and got a rundown. The results showed that at night MK is still having "desats". A "desat" is when her oxygen saturation number drops meaning there is not enough oxygen moving through her bloodstream. These simple words made my heart sink and I began to cry. Dr. G is going to have MK's pulmonologist look at the results and together they will make a team decision. Dr. B, the pulm, may look at it and say that it's fine. There are perfectly healthy adults that have a few "desats" at night. Or he may look at it and recommend something else. Either way I was upset. I had hoped and prayed we were past all of this. I had hoped and prayed for great results. I had hoped and prayed that everything was fine with MK.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't worried. My mind has been consumed by all of this. I am praying that Dr. B looks at the results and says that everything is "A-OK". I am trying not overanalyze things and get too worked up. But it's hard. There are days, many days, when I look at her and she how well she is doing and I can forget just for a few minutes that she wasn't 15 weeks premature and that she didn't have complications. And it feels good. It feels good to forget. But then there are days like the one at the doctor's office where forgetting is not even an option. It's sometimes a hard reminder, a reality check, that yes, she has come so far, but there are still things we are dealing with. And that is hard.