Saturday, July 11, 2009

Yesterday my parents celebrated thirty-three years of marriage. Thirty-three years. And not just any marriage. An extraordinary one.

As a child I prayed for a marriage like my parents have and to this day I still admire them. They have unconditional love, unwavering support and trust, and just plain happiness. Of course they have had ups and downs. Of course I have seen them spat and raise their voices. Of course my dad has forgotten to take out the trash and I have seen my mom become irritated. Just as I have seen my dad become aggravated with my mom. But at the end of the day I never doubted or questioned their love for one another. 

And I hoped that one day God would send me someone and that we would be able to create a marriage like theirs. Because I know that a good marriage is not something you just fall into or get lucky at. All marriages take work. They take time. They take trust. They take talking and walking and spending time together. For almost twenty-nine years I have watched my parents and I have prayed for something very similar. 

And I found it. 

On July 9, 2005 I married my heart and my best friend. Truly. And I have been the happiest woman ever since. 

It sounds funny to say we have only been married for 4 years. We have actually been together for a lot longer. We began dating in the fall of 1996. I was a mere sixteen and he was seventeen. We knew each other before, but he thought I was a snob and I thought he was a little dorky. Little did I know that he was really not dorky at all. He was just what I needed.

After nine years of dating, and yes there was a break-up in there, we tied the knot. July 9, 2005 was one of the happiest days of my life (the other being Morgan Kate's birth). We both said "I do" and celebrated until the wee hours of the morning. Literally.

Each day I fall more and more in love with him. He is simply amazing. An amazing husband and an amazing father. I am so thankful for him and for our marriage. And yes, just like my parents and every other couple, we have our ups and downs. We argue. We get mad. I can't stand it when he leaves the back door open. He gets upset when I leave my clothes all over the place. But at the end of the day I never question his love for me. And I hope he never questions mine.

Happy Anniversary!

To celebrate four years we treated ourselves to a nice sushi dinner and even did a little shopping. And we left our lil' bundle of joy with Uncle O and hopefully-soon-to-be-one-day Aunt Ninum. We missed MK tremendously. We did. I even texted Owens several times during dinner just to check on everyone. But it was really nice to have a "date", take our time and enjoy conversation between the two of us. 

Now as some of you may know, this was a HUGE step for us. We have only left Morgan Kate maybe three times and until this point we have only left her with my parents. But I have complete, wholehearted trust and confidence in Owens and Trenholm. Besides, I knew deep down that Trenholm was going to do everything anyways. Ha ha. They said that Morgan Kate was a perfect little angel and Morgan Kate is already asking for them to come back. Thanks to Owens and Trenholm for giving of their time and allowing us to enjoy some time together while feeling at ease. 

And, crazy momma here, did leave "bedtime instructions", as well as a brochure on infant CPR. Just in case. Yes, I may have some issues.


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Not only was the 9th our anniversary, but Morgan Kate also had an appointment with our pediatrician. Just a well check-up, nothing serious. 

MK waiting patiently and reading a new book

MK getting restless and ripping up the paper on the table

Dr. G and I talked about a lot of things. A lot. Baby food, table food, sunscreen, the beach, reflux. Many, many things. But our two big topics were weight and the sleep study. 

I'll start with weight. As of the 9th MK weighs 14 pounds and 13 ounces. Since her last appointment on May 21st she has gained a pound and a half. Dr. G was pleased with this. Any gain is great. I was a little disappointed. I just knew that MK was going to be well over 15 pounds, possibly even 16. She has been eating so well and I have been feeding her every chance I get. It's not that I want her to be some huge baby, I just want to make sure that she is growing at an appropriate rate. Dr. G said that we should start feeding her table food versus baby food because it has more calories. She said that if we wanted to feed her mashed potatoes then we should and we should even add butter. I am super excited about table food and I know MK will be. Dr. G said that we also needed to continue with all of MK's bottles and that if she still wanted one during the night then we needed to seize the opportunity.

Second topic. Sleep study. Let me start by saying that I am not in any way dying to get MK off of her monitor. She only wears it at night and while napping and it definitely eases my mind. I would like to eventually start weaning both of us from the monitor, but only in due time. Mainly, I just wanted great results from the sleep study. As of the 9th they are still waiting on the "official" results. Dr. G did talk to someone from the Sleep Lab and got a rundown. The results showed that at night MK is still having "desats". A "desat" is when her oxygen saturation number drops meaning there is not enough oxygen moving through her bloodstream. These simple words made my heart sink and I began to cry. Dr. G is going to have MK's pulmonologist look at the results and together they will make a team decision. Dr. B, the pulm, may look at it and say that it's fine. There are perfectly healthy adults that have a few "desats" at night. Or he may look at it and recommend something else. Either way I was upset. I had hoped and prayed we were past all of this. I had hoped and prayed for great results. I had hoped and prayed that everything was fine with MK. 

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't worried. My mind has been consumed by all of this. I am praying that Dr. B looks at the results and says that everything is "A-OK". I am trying not overanalyze things and get too worked up. But it's hard. There are days, many days, when I look at her and she how well she is doing and I can forget just for a few minutes that she wasn't 15 weeks premature and that she didn't have complications. And it feels good. It feels good to forget. But then there are days like the one at the doctor's office where forgetting is not even an option. It's sometimes a hard reminder, a reality check, that yes, she has come so far, but there are still things we are dealing with. And that is hard.

11 comments:

Sassy said...

Hi Heather, I feel weird commenting because we don't know eachother (I don't even remember how I found your blog) but I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone. You and I are on very similar paths.

My daughter was born early on
July 26, 2008 (she's almost a year old!:) at only 27 weeks. She is doing amazingly well that like you I forget how we started out until it hits me in the face. She has some gross motor delays and she is tiny still (she only weighs 14lbs 12oz), but otherwise she is thriving.

It's so nice to meet another preemie mom. Especially one whose journey is so similar to ours. Sometimes it's nice to talk to (and vent to) someone who knows exactly what you are going through. If you would like, please feel free to visit my blog:
http://dancingintherain-sassy.blogspot.com/

Or if you just want to talk my email is:
sassylassy83@ymail.com

Please contact me anytime!
~Sassy

Trish said...

I don't remember how I found your blog either but I just wanted to say her weight gain seems great!

My 3rd daughter was barely preemie at 35+6 weeks & weighed 5 lbs 9 oz at birth. But, she was only 17.5 lbs at 12 months and in the last 6 months has only gained 2 lbs. So still not 20 lbs at 18 months. We feed her all the time & since her 18 month visit, now add Pediasure 2times a day instead of whole milk.

But even though she is small (still fitting in many 6-9 month clothes), she is strong, healthy & running around after her sisters.

Congrats on the sitting! WTG!!

THE SPIVEY"S said...

Happy Anniversary. Keep us posted on her progress and we will continue to pray along side you, Travis and Morgan Kate.

Melissa and Sam said...

So glad your anniversary was a wonderful one! Yes, there are many folks looking up to your parents as role models! I have admired them all of these years! Its great to see and actually know couples that have been married for as long as your parents! What an excellent example they set for all of us!! I can't imagine how you feel having them!!!
I know Owens and Trenholm enjoyed their visit with MK!!
Thanks for the update on MK's doctor's visit. I'm hoping for great news! Can't wait to hear the official results!
Love you always,
Melissa

Megan Thiel said...

Hi Heather,

As you know, I can relate to all your feelings about raising a preemie! It is so nice to "forget" they are preemies when we can, but we are quickly brought back to reality. The famous NICU roller coaster certainly didn't end in the NICU as we planned.

I'm so sorry to hear the sleep study may not have produced the results we all wanted, but she must not be desatting too much since her alarm isn't going off during the night, right? I would think that is a good sign.

Once you start adding butter to everything and give her lots of good fattening table food, I am sure she will pack on the weight! Extra virgin olive oil is one that we use a lot because of Kayley's milk protein allergy so that is good option too. Thankfully, Morgan Kate enjoys eating so you definitely have that in your favor as you try to give her more calories.

Talk to you soon!

Megan

amanda pyle said...

I'm so glad that you & Travis had a wonderful anniversary - you both deserve it:) I know you're disappointed about MK's sleep study, but she is an amazing little girl and I know everything will work out in time.
Speaking of MK, I would love to come play with her sometime this week. Let me know if that works for you:)
xoxo
AA

Hollie Heming said...

I fully believe in the "date night". It's so nice to go out together and not have to carry an extra bag, bottles, bibs, etc. You should do it more often :). We need to also. You look beautiful in the picture, by the way!

I'm continuing to pray for MK's progress. Maybe she'll be a more adventurous eater than Will is :). Love you.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad that y'all were able to get out and have a "date night". Everyone needs one of those every once in a while.
Wendy H.

Lorena Carrillo de Bianchi said...

Hey Heather, I'm so sorry to read that you're so upset. It's true we are reminded often that we are not quite where we want to be with our baby girls but try to focus on all the progress she has made, and healthwise she is doing great, her weight is really good!! I remember when I got all down because I wanted Agustina to be all better and the doctor would have to remind me she was born prematurely... and that she needed time to get better, and reminded me that she needed my help and support to overcome the obstacles she would find in her way... somehow accepting that fact made me feel a little better... I somehow thought that it wasn't that she was behind on anything... she's just on track considering her premature birth.

I look at Morgan Kate and see her so happy and so willing to work at everything.. I'm sure she will be ok before you know it! It's hard, of course it's hard! No one else knows what this has meant for you and Travis but you guys are doing such a good job and I'm sure sooner than later there will be nothing else to be worried about! (in theory, moms worry all their lives about their babies).

The three of you are in my prayers always, hope you feel better and if there is anything I can help you with or you just want to talk (write)... please e-mail me! I mean it! (lorena.carrillo@gmail.com)

Hugs,

Los Bianchi

Megan Thiel said...

Hey Heather,

I am commenting AGAIN! I thought of you and this post today when we were told that Kayley is delayed in all areas except gross motor. I was crushed because I really thought she was doing so well. Actually, I was in disbelief for awhile and then my heart sank. Now we have lots of homework and things to work with her on and I know that she will catch up, but it is still so frustrating. All I want is for my baby girl to have the same chance as every other kid to succeed and I hate to see any extra obstacles in her way. Anyway, I hate that you have to walk this same journey with a preemie, but I am so thankful I have you to talk to about the struggles.

Heather said...

Hi Heather. MK is just as pretty as ever.

I just wanted to let you know that my youngest is almost 16 months and weighs 16lbs 13oz. She is tiny but very smart and can say 12-15 words. The weight is a tiny bit of an issue since she had diarrhea for two weeks. We have to go back for a weight check the beginning of August to make sure that she has gained some.

My oldest will be 5 in October and weighs 34 lbs. She is very smart.

I just wanted to let you know that just because she is small doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with her mental development. MK might just be a tiny little girl.

Keep up the good work, you are doing a great job.

PS- I am so sorry for the setback with the desats. I pray the pulmonologist deems it minor and she doesn't have to be back on O2.