Sunday, August 23, 2009

This weekend has been filled with so many emotions. Matter of fact, the entire month of August has been filled to the brim with emotions. I'm not sure if August will ever be the same for me. I think I will always reflect back. I will always remember the days that led up to Morgan Kate's birth. I will always remember the moment I saw her. I will always replay the events in my head. And it's okay. I'm okay with reliving those moments and replaying the events. Because it was those events and those moments that made me who I am today and those same moments and events that led to the birth of my precious baby girl.

The night before Morgan Kate was born I was lying in my hospital bed watching the Olympics. I was talking to my mom. We were replaying the last few days and discussing what the next few weeks would be like. Travis had gone home for the night. He and my mom were both scheduled to return to work in two days and he was going home to get some much needed rest. Or so I thought. He was actually at home painting Morgan Kate's nursery as a surprise for me. Around 9pm or so I got an excruciating stomach ache. I had never felt pain like this and it seemed to linger, but I convinced myself that it was from the Lizard's Thicket I had eaten earlier in the evening. Shortly before midnight it subsided and I was able to drift off to sleep.

I awoke on Sunday, August 24th feeling refreshed and ready for the week ahead. I wasn't looking forward to my mom or Travis leaving for work, but I knew it was inevitable. My mom and I shared a big, yummy breakfast and when Travis called to check on me around 9am I told him to take his time and get some more rest. I was feeling good and I would call him later. Around 11:30 or so the nurse tech arrived for my daily sponge bath. Fun, fun. As she was helping me I noticed that she hit the nurse call button. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I felt confident that it wasn't about me. Ha. A nurse arrived within seconds and it was then that I realized something was terribly wrong. I had started bleeding. I immediately grabbed the phone and called Travis. I then called my mom who had walked down the hall with a dear, dear family friend. Within seconds my mom and Mrs. Jackie were back in the room with me. And within thirty minutes Travis arrived. When the bleeding started it was minimal. The doctor was called and he was due to arrive in the next thirty minutes. In a very short period of time the bleeding increased significantly. The doctor was called again and this time he arrived in a matter of seconds. An ultrasound was done immediately and it was determined that my placenta had ruptured and that I had to have an emergency C-section. Shortly before one I was wheeled down to the operating room all alone. Travis was not allowed to come in because I was completely asleep. I remember the doctor saying, "Your baby girl has a 50/50 chance". I remember tears streaming down my face and nurses reassuring me that things would be okay.

At 1:04pm Morgan Katherine Callahan was born weighing one pound twelve ounces (790 grams) and measuring 13 3/4 inches. She was immediately taken to the NICU. Travis was completely torn about whether to stay with me or go with his brand new baby girl, but he made the right decision. He went with her and then came back to check on me. When I woke up around 3:30 he was at my side with pictures ready to share. He was the proudest daddy ever. He had the biggest smile on his face. Thank goodness for his pictures and for digital cameras, because it wasn't until 8:30 that night that I got to see her for the first time.

When I walked it that night I was completely overwhelmed. My heart was in a million pieces. I was absolutely thrilled to see my brand new baby girl, my first born. But my heart ached in a way that I can't even describe. She was so tiny. The tiniest thing I had ever seen. All I wanted to do was touch her and kiss her and hold her. All I was allowed to do was touch her tiny little finger. I spent the next thirty minutes at her bedside watching every little thing she did. I was so happy that my baby girl was here and doing okay for the moment. But I was terrified. Scared to death. I had no idea what the next few days, weeks or months would hold for us.

Fast forward to today.

Today my one pound, twelve ounce baby girl is well over sixteen pounds. And she is one amazing little girl. She is the absolute light of her mommy and daddy's life. She has this contagious personality and a smile that goes on for days. When she smiles her entire face lights up and my heart just melts. She is so strong and so determined and such a fighter. I love just holding her and rocking her and playing with her. I love to have her little head on my shoulder or her tiny fingers wrapped around mine. I love to see her precious face first thing in the morning and her tiny body all curled up late at night. I love listening to her sounds and noises because she has such a captivating voice. Simply amazing. Sometimes I still can't believe she's actually mine.

This past year has been filled with ups and downs and then some. But I can honestly say that it has all been worth it. Every single second, every single moment and obstacle and struggle has all been worth it. Because we have been incredibly blessed. We have this precious, amazing miracle from God and our lives have been changed in such an enormous way.

The little munchkin on the eve of her first birthday. And yes,
she is using the nose thing as a teething device.


Heather said...

Happy early Birthday MK! I know your mommy and daddy are so excited to celebrate with you tomorrow!

Wendy S. said...

Happy Birthday precious girl!!!

Wendy S.

jan kessler said...

Happy Birthday Morgan Kate. We Love you. Hope you have a wonderful Birthday celebration. Wish we could celebrate with you today.

Aunt J and MaMa

Anonymous said...

Happy 1st Birthday Morgan Kate!!
Love the Burlesons :)

Kara Corbett said...

Happy Birthday Morgan Kate!!!

Rebecca said...

Happy Birthday sweet girl!!!! I love reading your blog. Morgan Kate is an absolute doll!! So happy for you all as you celebrate this wonderful day!

Justin and Jessica Jones said... have come a LONG way in the germ department with using the nose thing as ateether...that was too funny. I get teary eyed everytime I read this story because I remember how scared I was, and no it could not even compare to how you guys felt. Happy Birthday MK! We look forward to celebrating with you guys on Saturday.
:) Love ya!

Melissa and Sam said...

Happy 1st birthday baby girl!! We love you!
The Leviners