Thursday, January 5, 2012

A precious student I teach lost his dad earlier this week. My heart aches for this student. My heart aches for his older brother and older sister. My heart aches for his mom. My heart, in general, just aches. 

Death is so hard for my little mind to comprehend. I just can't grasp the finality of it. It makes my chest hurt and my mind wander and I have to take really deep breaths. Death makes me think of my very own loved ones. I know it sounds rather awkward to think like that, but it's the truth. Whenever someone dies, whether I personally know them or not, I start to think about those I do know personally. Our school guidance counselor talked about this some when she came around to each classroom to speak with students. She talked about how death and pain and suffering is upsetting to so many that aren't directly affected because we try to put ourselves in the shoes of those who have lost. What would we do? How would we feel? How would we cope? I do that. I did that earlier this week. I'm doing that now.

All day long my heart ached for my precious student. My heart was broken that he wouldn't be able to see his dad again or talk to his dad again or ever go on another family vacation with his dad again. I thought about my own child and how my world and her world would just be turned completely upside down if she had to experience and endure the death of a parent. And then I thought about his mom and how she had lost her husband, her other half, the love of her life. And that's when it became too much and I thought my chest might just explode. Just the thought of that happening in my own life makes it hard to breathe. I literally have to stop and catch my breath. I can feel tears filling my eyes and that lump move up my throat. I have to stop and remind myself that it's not happening to me. 

Things can happen in an instance. Things can happen even when we are busying doing the things we cherish and love the most. Things we don't understand. Things we don't expect. Things we aren't prepared for. It's moments like these that rattle us and make us really think about things. And it's moment like these that are harsh reminders to appreciate what we do have and those who are with us. 


Jan Kessler said...

I have been trying to keep myself busy since Ma Ma passed away and it is so hard. It is so hard for anyone to lose a parent or a husband or a child no matter how old they are. That person is no longer there and when your life revolves around that person it does make your heart break in so many pieces. You have to keep your faith and look to God and Jesus to help you through those time. They know best. HIS ways are not our ways because I really would like for MaMa to be here with me on the lake. She enjoyed that so much. She enjoyed being with yall also especially Morgan Kate. You and Travis were a bonus. Love you guys so much and continue to stay in touch. Miss you so much. Love,

Aunt Jan
P. S

Maybe her imaginary frien Connie is her guardian angel..

Justin and Jessica Jones said...

I totally know where you are coming from. My biggest fear in life is losing someone I love in my family. When I did a Beth Moore study a few years ago, she had some really great advice on this topic:
The statement "do not fear" is found over and over in the Bible. In 1 John it states "real love casts out fear." Eventually I came to understand that love casts out fear, God is love, therefore it is God that takes away our fears. Exactly where Beth directed us to take our fears. She directed us to start facing our fears not with what if then what? Rather we should answer the what if question with a then God answer. Who we trust will determine how we get through our fears. When we are watching someone we care about go through something painful, we cannot help but wonder how we would they are coping. But, we cannot really feel the peace and comfort that God is giving to them because this is something that comes at the time of need. Does that make sense? Anyway, your post really made me think about this again. Thanks for bringing my mind back to this because it is so easy for Satan to rule our hearts and minds with fear and pain.

Kathy Hardison said...

Must be a subject weighing on the hearts of alot of people. Dad and I were talking about it tonight from the perspective that MJ was only a year older than him when she lost Papa. We couldn't imagine our lives without each other. I don't fear it but I sure hope to grow much much older together. LY and pray for you and your classroom and this family.