Luke 1:37
I have been a little emotional lately. Not the sad kind of emotional. Just emotional. Especially when I look at my baby girl or my husband. I just get overwhelmed with how lucky I am and how much I love these two people.
When Morgan Kate was first born I often asked the question, "Why us?". I don't mean "Why us?" like I wanted it to happen to anyone else. (I hope that part makes sense.) I guess I just wondered "Why do some babies have to be born prematurely?", "Why do some babies have to go through so much?", "Why do parents have to see their babies in so much pain and not be able to do anything?", "Why do parents have to go to bed scared every night of what the next day might hold?", or "Why can't every baby be born full term and completely healthy?". Why? Why? Why? The list could go on forever.
I hate to even admit it, but there were times I even felt like we were robbed of certain things or certain memories. Travis, nor I, were able to witness this miraculous birth. We weren't even able to be with one another. We weren't able to hold our baby the minute she was born. We couldn't feed her, we couldn't change her diaper. There were no pictures of the happy new family all together. It would be days before I could hold her. It would be weeks before I could feed her. It would be months before I could bring her home. I will never forget the day I was discharged. It was the loneliest day of my life. Here I was in so much pain with a stomach still swollen and I was being wheeled out of the hospital with empty arms. I know that I should have been so happy because she was right upstairs in the best care, but all I wanted was to have her in my arms and know that she was going to be okay. As I was wheeled out, another lady was right beside me in her wheelchair. We were very much alike, except for the fact that her arms were full. It broke my heart into so many pieces.
Today I feel very different. I still ask "Why us?". I just mean it very differently. These days it means "Why do we get to be so lucky?", "Why did God choose us to be the parents to this precious, precious baby girl?. Each night as I rock this perfect little creature I am overwhelmed with emotion. I thank God each and every day for her life and for what she means to me. I honestly feel like the luckiest woman alive. And I am so thankful that God chose us.
5 comments:
Great post tonight. You two truly are very, very blessed by this wonderful little miracle and her story has touched so many of us. We enjoy checking in on her every night. How far she has come!! What a strong little girl, and a strong mommy and daddy too!
Hey Heather! The blessings are only beginning. God has so much more in store for you, Travis, and Morgan Kate. Every day is a gift, and we should enjoy it. We all here can't wait to hold Morgan Kate. We love you all! Aunt Terry
You have such a wonderful heart!!
Thank you for sharing it with us!!!
Morgan Kate is a blessed little girl to have you all for her parents.
Heather, I am so with you on this post. I used to ask "Why Us" all the time too. I don't understand why babies are born prematurely, but I do know if Parker hadn't been, I wouldn't be this close to God and I wouldn't be able to reach out to people like you and completely understand the emotions.
God works in such mysterious ways and while I will never be super happy about the turn of events that brought about my precious preemie, I do know I will be thankful for it!
:)
Heather, You made me cry! That was so touching, here I am preggers reading your blog and I am so emotional and happy for you and how far you have come. Everyone I know is so proud of you and continue to be amazed by your positive outlook even when times have been so hard.
Remember this has been a long and hard beginning, but you have the rest of your lives to have those precious and first moments.
Kiss Morgan Kate for me, I can't wait to meet her.
Love,
Liz
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