Today was an ugly moment. I had a bit of a "mommy melt down". It may have actually been more than a bit. Maybe a lot. It was one of those "I-just-want-everything-to-be-okay-with-my-child" kind of moments. It may also be due in part to some hormonal changes at this particular time of the month. Either way it wasn't pretty and my mom and Travis had to bear the brunt of it.
I'll try to explain. Morgan Kate had her OT evaluation this morning. I was feeling really good about it and very confident. When MK had her PT evaluation several weeks ago I didn't think twice about it. I was excited for it, looked forward to it, and was thrilled that she qualified. Even now I look forward to our weekly sessions and get super excited about new exercises and activities.
Today was different. After about 45 minutes it was crystal clear that MK was going to qualify for OT. She clearly has some delays with reaching and grasping. And as much as I wanted to be excited for help and for extra services, I wasn't. In fact, I was really bummed. Extremely sad. And I don't really know why. I mean I know that she was born four months early. I know that some things are going to take extra work. I know that some things are going to come quickly and others are going to take more time. And so far I have been okay with all of that. Really I have. But today I wasn't. It was just one of those days.
Today I had that "why-is-this-happening-why-can't-everything-be-okay" moment. I got really sad. Cried a lot. Prayed some. Talked with Travis and my mom. Took some time to myself. Loved on Morgan Kate. And then tried to find a peace about it all.
And as of 11:30 tonight I think I am okay. Matter of fact, I know I am okay. I know that this whole reaching/grasping thing will come all in Morgan Kate's time. I have to be patient. And believe me, I have learned a lot about patience in the last few years.
The day may have started sort of "not pretty", but it has definitely ended with a smile. The OT seems really nice and knowledgeable. After only 45 minutes I can tell she is going to be a big help for Morgan Kate and myself. And ultimately that is all I want.