Morgan Kate

Last December 3rd I felt kind of cheated. I know it sounds terrible to say. But it's the truth. I felt cheated. I felt sad. I was kind of angry.

You see, last December 3rd Morgan Kate should have been making her grand entrance into this world. My entire family would have been gathered at the hospital, anxiously awaiting her arrival. I would have been lying in a bed, munching on some ice. I would have been so excited, yet so very nervous. Travis would have been pacing the floor and constantly checking on me. He would have had a smile you could see for miles. My mom would have been running between my room and the waiting room giving updates. She too would have had a pretty big smile. My dad and brothers would have been in the waiting room trying to entertain other family members and probably doing a lot of snacking. They love to snack. Other family members and friends would have either been there too or texting/calling.

Morgan Kate would have made her entrance. Travis and my mom would have been able to attend the birth. Someone would have stuck a big pink bow on my door. MK would have been a good weight, not needed oxygen and probably begun eating right away. I would have been able to hold her the second she arrived. I would have been able to look into her eyes and kiss her little chubby cheeks. I would have been able to share her with everyone. But instead probably kept her to myself. Travis would have been able to kiss us both and then pass out those bubble gum cigars that everyone loves. They would have taken her to those glass windows for all to see. And I would have been able to take her home just a few days later.

But, that's not how it happened. Not at all. And while I felt cheated, and sad, and angry last year on December 3rd. That's not how I feel today. Not at all.

Today I feel so lucky. I feel so lucky to have had my daughter here for 15 months. I feel so blessed. So blessed to have this beautiful daughter who does amazing things each and every day. And I feel so fortunate we are all home and we are all doing so well, especially Miss Morgan Kate.

Yes, I have experienced some things that other parents won't. And I pray they never do. And yes, it was most difficult at first and there were days that I didn't know how I would make it. And there are still days that I am scared. Scared for her health and her development. (But I feel sure that it is something all parents feel.) But, today I'm okay. We're okay. And I don't feel the same as I felt last year.

Since Morgan Kate's birth I have learned so much. So much about different things and so much about myself. I feel that I am different. My heart is different. But in a good way. I look at things in a completely different light. I don't take things for granted. And I try to cherish every moment and every day.

Especially each day that I am given with Morgan Kate.