Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Dear Morgan Kate,

Tomorrow is a big day for both of us. Tomorrow I will be returning to work for the first time in two years. The first time since you were born. And you will be staying with someone who I couldn't be more happier about. Yet, I have so many mixed emotions and I really don't know how to put it all into words. For the past two weeks, especially the beginning of last, I have spent a lot of time crying. A lot. Your daddy was very concerned and thought I was losing my mind. I can't blame him, I thought I was losing my mind. I can't really explain all of the tears. I was just really, really sad and kind of scared and even more anxious. You'll learn as you get older that your mommy doesn't like change and she doesn't like when she feels like things are ending. And last week I knew things were getting ready to change and I think I felt like my time with you was ending. I know, I know. It sounds so silly. It's the end of me staying home with you every day, all day, but it's definitely not the end of our time together. As crazy as it may sound, I had to remind myself of that. I had to sit down and have a little pep talk with myself too. And do lots of praying.

Before you were born your daddy and I never intended for me to stay home. I was going to be with you for just a few months while you were a tiny baby and then I was going to return to work. On August 14th of 2008 things took quite a different turn and I have been home ever since. While it might not have been time we intended for, it's time I will never regret and it's time that I wouldn't trade for anything in this entire world. I feel so fortunate and so blessed to have been at home with you for two years. And I never imagined that going back to work and leaving you would be so hard.

Everything I do in this world is for you and your daddy and our little family. You two are my everything! And while going back to work makes me incredibly sad because I don't want to spend even a second without you, please know that I'm doing it for our family. Going back to work will enable me to help our family financially. It will give you time with other people and other children. You will meet new friends and have so much fun. And I can only imagine the learning that is getting ready to take place in that precious little head of yours. I already appreciate all of the time and moments I have with you, but I have a feeling that I'm going to appreciate that time and those moments even more. And I can already predict that my new favorite time of day will be the moment I pick you up and see that beautiful little face of yours.

I don't start actually teaching until next Thursday, but I can already tell that I am going to be a better teacher because of YOU. You have taught me so much about myself, about children and about learning. And I can't wait to share all that I have learned from you with my new students.

Know that while I may not be with you every second of the day, you are definitely in my thoughts all of the time. Morgan Kate, I love you so much and I'm so proud to be your mommy!

Love you muches,


The Bridges said...

I know exactly how you are feeling. I just don't know what to do with myself...
It's going to be a hard start. But the way I'm looking at it, it's nice to have only TWO days and then get the WE are the ones that kind of get the wean away!

MJP said...

How beautiful. MK is lucky to have you as her mommy. I hope you have a wonderful first day back.

amanda pyle said...

I want to tell you I know what you're feeling, and in some ways I do, but in other ways, I don't. I too have been crying over this dreaded day for the past 2 weeks. I'm sure JP also thinks I've lost my mind, but he just hugs me & tells me it will be ok - A LOT! I can't imagine not spending every moment of my day with Becca.
But after reading your post, I am now crying for you too. I'm struggling to leave my angel after 4 months. I can't imagine how different it would be to go back to work after 2 years. I know there is nothing anyone can say to make it better - it's unbelieveably hard, and just something we'll have to get through, but I do know one thing - our babies will do just fine, (and after a few days) we will also be just fine:) Continue to pray for comfort and strength, knowing that I will be praying for you as well. I love you:)

CAW said...


Anonymous said...

You are such an amazing person. You are doing what's best for your family, as difficult as it is. You LOVE teaching and your students are going to LOVE you. Morgan Kate will understand one day :) I went to Roddey's today to check on her and she was having a wonderful time playing in the playroom and trying to keep up with the "big kids." Yay for making it through the first day! I love you!